Pope Francis posts messages for Jesus on Facebook and Twitter Pope Francis I today appealed to Jesus Christ to expedite His second coming “before there is no world for You to come again to, Sir!” Francis added that it would “probably help” if Jesus also brought along Abraham, Moses and Mohamed, “to speak to their constituencies too.” The Pope’s message was broadcast on all available social media, including Facebook and Twitter. Reddit and Tumblr said…
"Pope to Jesus: Now Would be a Good Time to Come Again"Author: Michael Egan
Famed runaway spotted floating down Mississippi with fugitive African-American immigrant agricultural worker Lovable scamp Huckleberry Finn, whose childhood adventures were memorialized by best-selling American author Mark Twain, was shot dead by Missouri police today. Huckleberry (“Huck”) Finn, of unknown age and residence, was observed by state troopers floating down the Mississippi River on a stolen wooden raft. He was accompanied by a dark-skinned, African-American immigrant agricultural worker known only as “Jim,” who reportedly fled the…
"Huckleberry Finn Shot Dead by Missouri Cops" ‘Paradise is not what you expect, mate, and nor is hell!’ –- Christopher Hitchens Every morning just after sunrise, says Christopher Hitchens, he and the entire heavenly host gather with their harps and neatly folded wings at the edge of a convenient cloud. Then as they drink their ambrosias and enjoy the air, they laugh loud and long at the tormented souls writhing in Hell below. “God has a cosmic sense of humor, what else?”…
"Christopher Hitchens Reports from the Afterlife: God Has a Cosmic Sense of Humor!" Bible-thumping President calls famed lawgiver ‘a yuuuge loser who didn’t have a clue how to negotiate’ President Trump says that his famous inability to cite a single Bible verse has forced him recently “to take just one more look inside my favorite Book, of course only to refresh my memory about some of the details.” He was truly amazed at what he had “rediscovered.” During a press conference held in the lobby of Trump Tower,…
"Donald Trump Blasts Biblical Moses as ‘Incompetent and Weak’" World-renowned crime fighter and iconic symbol of Truth, Justice and The American Way, Superman, announced today that he was giving up on earth. “Let’s face it,” the Man of Steel said during his final interview on The Rachel Maddow Show, “America is over. Fifty years ago you guys stood for something good and positive. Freedom from want and fear, liberty of speech and conscience.. “But now it’s all just guns, bigotry, police violence, and greed, summed…
"Superman Abandons Earth, Plans to Return to Krypton" It’s a fact. America’s top cartoonists are all called Tom. Even the ones who weren’t born Tom have changed their names to it. Those who were called Thomas at birth have uniformly dropped the suffix and the Haitch and became just Toms. It’s like there’s this weird Tom Cartoonist Club. Google it. Right on top you’ll find Tom Toles and Tom Tomorrow, and of course Tom the Dancing Bug. But after them – although in…
"Why Are So Many Cartoonists Called Tom?" ‘The Bible story is just a hoax. It’s fake news. Apples for all!’ – Belly-Crawling Snake HELL – The Biblical serpent claimed last night that it was not responsible for the catastrophic Fall of Man recorded in Genesis. “Wasn’t me,” the Serpent hissed emphatically in an interview aired on Megyn Kelly on Sunday. “Sure, it might have been me, but it also could have been a lot of other fabled beasts. The Chimera. The Kraken.…
"Garden of Eden Serpent Denies Tempting Adam and Eve, Causing Fall of Man" “The only difference is, the more blood Sen. McConnell sucks, the paler he becomes’ – Report WASHINGTON – DNA analysis released by the genealogy company Ancestry.com confirms that Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell is directly related to the notorious Transylvanian vampire, Count Dracula. Also known as Vlad the Impaler because of his cruel method of executing his enemies, Dracula is reputed to have drunk the living blood from their necks in triumph. He slept in…
"Ancestry.com Confirms Mitch McConnell is a ‘Direct Descendant’ of Dracula the Bloodsucking Vampire" The original fake news (1729), written by Jonathan Swift (Author of ‘Gulliver’s Travels’) Edited by Michael Egan [Swift begins by describing the widespread poverty among the Irish poor in the eighteenth century, and the burden they and their starving children place upon society. He “modestly proposes” a unique solution “to provide for the feeding and clothing of many thousands,” noting too that the scourge of “voluntary abortions” may thus also be avoided.] I shall now…
"Swift’s ‘Modest Proposal,’ Commended to Congress As it Debates the American Health Care Act" Famed British Sleuth Says James Comey’s Testimony is ‘More Full of Misdirections and Sleights of Hand than a Circus Conjuror’ LONDON – Sherlock Holmes, the celebrated Victorian private eye, emerged from the shadows of literary history last night to repeat his famous question, “Why didn’t the watchdog bark?” Interviewed via GoogleSeance satellite by Rachel Maddow, the famous detective said that the FBI’s failure to investigate President Trump “is directly analogous to the case of the…
"Sherlock Holmes Asks: Why Didn’t the FBI Watchdog Bark?"