Month: September 2017

‘If you have to swallow a frog, don’t stare at it too long,’ Mark Twain says of 2018 vote.  In an exclusive posthumous interview broadcast yesterday via GoogleSeanc satellite, iconic American author Mark Twain sounded off about the Trump Administration, Jeff Sessions and even Dick Cheney. “I have a higher and grander standard than George Washington,”  he said. “He could not tell a lie. I can, but I won’t. At least not this time.” Twain…

‘Hearing that your cops only shoot Blecks down in the street made us so nostalgic for Dr Verwoerd,’ say ‘Mandela Refugees’ seeking asylum Following the recent wave of police killings of Blacks in the US, thousands of white South Africans described as ‘Mandela refugees’ are flooding across America’s southern borders in search of a new apartheid state. Authorities in Arizona, Missouri and Texas say they are welcome and will be quickly resettled. “These are like…

Pope Francis posts messages for Jesus on Facebook and Twitter Pope Francis I today appealed to Jesus Christ to expedite His second coming “before there is no world for You to come again to, Sir!” Francis added that it would “probably help” if Jesus also brought along Abraham, Moses and Mohamed, “to speak to their constituencies too.” The Pope’s message was broadcast on all available social media, including Facebook and Twitter. Reddit and Tumblr said…

Famed runaway spotted floating down Mississippi with fugitive African-American immigrant agricultural worker Lovable scamp Huckleberry Finn, whose childhood adventures were memorialized by best-selling American author Mark Twain, was shot dead by Missouri police today. Huckleberry (“Huck”) Finn, of unknown age and residence, was observed by state troopers floating down the Mississippi River on a stolen wooden raft. He was accompanied by a dark-skinned, African-American immigrant agricultural worker known only as “Jim,” who reportedly fled the…

‘Paradise is not what you expect, mate, and nor is hell!’ –- Christopher Hitchens Every morning just after sunrise, says Christopher Hitchens, he and the entire heavenly host gather with their harps and neatly folded wings at the edge of a convenient cloud. Then as they drink their ambrosias and enjoy the air, they laugh loud and long at the tormented souls writhing in Hell below. “God has a cosmic sense of humor, what else?”…